The Secret Life of Wolfram
by hearmelaugh
Summary: Entry 6: I just hope I don't lose too much money; Yuuri might start wondering where his things disappear to if I continue selling his belongings to Gunter to fuel my addiction. Evil women. They've made me a gambler.
1. Hot day

After big big brother found Conrad's diary and read about Josak, I burnt my diar-... _training manual_ and scattered the ashes in all of the fountains in the castle. If Yuuri goes to Earth through any of the fountains, my burnt evidence will follow, away from Gwendal's glare. Conrad can't look at him or me without blushing like an idiot, and that weird spy of his is winking at everyone so much it looks like a diseased twitch. Sadly, mother knew about my written companion, and kept giving me thoughtful looks after she saw how it ended. I didn't mind it much, because I was busy screaming at Yuuri for managing to be included in Conrad's diary (so was I, but I'm his _brother_), but then she went and told the devil woman.

_Anissina._

But she did show me something useful; this metal-box-where-manuscripts-are-kept-a-secret-from-the-prying-eyes-of-men Kun can keep journal entries, and since no one else would listen, I and her are basically the only ones who know how it works. I did get confused halfway through her explanation though; I think she said this can also cure baldness or something. I got this much before I started wondering what a blue bearbee would look like.

It was a hot day yesterday, so Gunter was even more insufferable than ever. You'd think so _much hair _would mean he would be like any other demon and be miserable when it's hot. But _no_, he had to go around happily screaming how lovely the weather was when even the maids were too annoyed to gossip. I couldn't even get up and smack him when he said Yuuri sweated very prettily. I stayed in the kitchens with my jacket off and my shirtsleeves rolled up, growling for ice and cold drinks and fresh salads and anything that could make it less hot. Greta found me around midday, when the sun was highest, and she was so excited about something that I couldn't help but get a _little_ excited too.

She pulled my hand and was talking really really fast. She's my daughter and I love her, but when she's talking to her friends or when she's really excited, I can't understand a word she's saying. I just smiled and nodded my head, because I'm an understanding father that way. Not like _some_ wimps I can think about.

Turns out she had found the inflatable pool thing that mama had sent last time Yuuri went to Earth. He said mama said it would make things easier for him, since he was connected "by the plastic pictures of Snoopy!" or something like that. I sometimes can't understand what Yuuri says either.... Must teach the wimp not to slur so much!

Oh, yes, Greta. I remembered standing in the pool, and if it was filled with cold water... I guessed that would be what Greta was so excited about. A cool bath outside was a brilliant idea, and I told Greta what a smart little girl she is, and she said, of course! We're family!

She's growing up so well.

I called Dacascos and told him to blow up the pool, making very sure Anissina was nowhere near. Last thing I needed was for her to create some magic-powered pump and explode the poor thing. The maids brought drinks to where we were, and I let Dacascos stop when he started to glow red. The maids chatted with Greta, Dacascos ate the biscuits, and I had the pool completely inflated in minutes.

The thing was very light, and as I carried it outside we acquired a small following, curious people following us to see what I was about to do with the bright red and blue giant-bowl thing. I smirked when we reached the shade of a big tree, and set the pool down. Greta had run off with the maids to put on her swimming costume, and I asked Dacascos and the few guards that followed to start filling it up with water from the well. I took a pail and helped too, since it's for my daughter and I couldn't make them do that much work without helping.

When I had sent the men off with my thanks and walked back to the pool, I just _had_ to smile. Greta was so cute, splashing in the water in her little pink suit! She waved when she saw me, and I waved back, nodding at the maids who were keeping her company. I couldn't blame them for not working; I was in a shirt and pants and I was burning, I didn't want to imagine what five dozen layers of skirts and frills felt like in this heat.

I sat and dozed under the tree before I was suddenly drenched with water. Scowling, I opened my eyes praying that the tree I was leaning against was on fire. Otherwise I'd have to kill the person who'd interrupted my nap.

Should have known it was that idiot. Honestly, just because he can't be bothered to study and work like a proper king, doesn't give him a right to completely soak me! I told him that, and he pouted and he said that it was really hot for him too, and it looked like Greta was having so much fun and I was starting to look overheated, so he thought....

The day I learn how to resist Yuuri and Greta is the day I shave off all my hair and burn it as an offering in Shinou's temple.

So that's how the rest of the day passed; we played in the water and had lunch outside. By then I had taken off my boots and pushed up my sleeves, occasionally wading in and dunking Yuuri's head in the water, much to Greta's delight. It didn't feel too hot, and when the water level was low he or I would top it off ourselves. Gunter came and swooned over MY soaked fiancé before Gisela dragged him away. Gwendal came to call Yuuri to work but our combined wet cuteness had him running away shouting for his knitting needles. Conrad walked by smiling, then the smile went crooked when Josak caught up with him.

We got Greta washed up and dried off, and put her to bed. We had a steaming hot bath, because Shinou-be-praised the night was very cool. The wimp smiled and said it was a good day, and I was too sleepy to hit him. I yawned and said yes before snuggling up under the covers.

He might have said "Goodnight Wolfram", or "I like biting lamb" but he definitely didn't complain about sleeping in the same room.

Or he might have. Even playing in a pool in the sun can not cure a wimp of his bad speaking habits.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld.

oOoOo

Hopefully the one and only author's note of this particular series. Confusing? Probably. But of all my fics this is the one I write easiest. The stories are disjointed from entry to entry, and when there are little arcs spanning multiple chapters, I will mention it in the chapter title. This I can update crazy often, because I _write_ it crazy often. As many hints as the anime, it's a given that it's a FACT OF EXISTENCE that Wolfram loves Yuuri, and utterly, shamelessly Wolf-centric. The title's from that magnificent documentary, The Secret Life of Gardens... I think that's what it was. There will be different characters contributing further along, and I will update till I can't write any more. By the way, it's almost a certainty that You Stole the Sun will be updated in February. Thing is, this is because I won't be around in March, so the update after _that_ would probably be in April. Depends on how much I can write in the one week I have off :) Exams start on thursday, you see, so... Yeah.

Be kind, review please~


	2. Studies

Gunter has a death wish. How _dare _he say I was a slow learner when compared to Yuuri!

Obviously, it's his teaching methods and the silly things being taught that are at fault. Etiquette is important, I know we have to look after alliances and diplomats and any other person Gwendal thinks is so important we must serve dinner to, but there are boundaries _no_ _one_ can cross. It doesn't _matter_ if he's the High Lord of Holy-Lala Land, or she's the Queen of Purple Oranges; NOBODY gets to flirt with or be flirted by Yuuri.

So a few people return with singed eyebrows and burnt clothing; I can't believe these "adults" would actually _whine_ to Gunter about my conduct. Anyone with more sense than a pigeon can see that it's _their_ terrible behaviour that forced me into... retaliation.

Uncle Waltorana was right, when he told me that you keep the ones you love safe behind you, and you keep everyone else at sword-point in front of you. If I don't have the wimp tucked behind me, even Shinou would get a headache from all the problems he'll cause.

And arithmetic. It's the _one_ thing Gunter has ever taught that was even remotely interesting. And it's the one thing that he refuses to teach more of.

"Oh ha ha" he says.

"A fiancé of the Maou has no need to learn the art of calculation" he says.

"Walk around with this stack of books balanced on your head instead" he says.

I did not realise being Yuuri's fiancé meant my right to think has been removed from me. Last I checked, _I _decided what I would learn, and if it's arithmetic then no purple-haired idiot is going to stop me.

Unlike etiquette and poise, which are _both_ enraging _and_ dull, arithmetic is straightforward yet complex. It gives me the same accomplished feeling I get defeating my best men in combat to solve a particularly twisty problem. Besides, big brother has lost several wrinkles ever since I started helping him with the tax disputes.

And unless I will be permanently keeping books on my head to throw at people in the case of an attack, I do not see how walking around with the history of Shin Makoku on my head can be useful _at all_.

I did end up throwing several books at Gunter before I left, only he didn't feel it much, too busy drooling in anticipation of Yuuri's class. His usually start an hour after mine, but by the way the wimp whines so much I sometimes wonder if he even knows I'm studying as well.

I will probably regret this dearly later, but I asked Anissina about arithmetic. The woman had invented spectacles that could translate any language into Mazoku, and I think she secretly stole Yuuri's textbooks that time he came here with his school bag. She said there were some really interesting things in some of the them, and there were books just _for_ calculation. She'll teach me, but in return I have to rat out big brother whenever she needs him.

Sorry brother, but _you_ always insist I should better myself for my country.

The rest, history and literature and geography and strategies of war and magic and stuff are occasionally interesting, and sometimes mind-numbingly boring.

Strategies of war in particular irk me. There are easier ways to solve tension. Peace talks and all those things Yuuri is good in.

But based on what I've overheard from old soldiers and retired ambassadors, if I think a well-placed assassination is the only way to prevent a war and restore peace, I would choose that option and keep everyone safe, no matter how much Yuuri will hate me for it.

Magic is fun in practical, but since that _one_ time I got a _little_ over-excited and nearly burnt Gunter in a sparring match, I'm now reduced to sitting with Gisela and having her tell me how much magic is needed where when dealing with whatever. I know her speciality is healing magic, but her explanations make sense even when I use them to fight.

Plus she says I'm the quickest student she's ever met.

All my lessons are up for review in a few weeks' time, and I think big brother and Conrad will be involved in testing me for some of the things. It will be quite interesting; my level has never been so hazardous for my normal instructors that my brothers have to step in.

I'm reading my lessons in bed a lot now, though the wimp still wonders what books exactly have _so_ captivated my attention.

I think that idiot _really_ doesn't know that I study as much as he does, even though I still train my troops daily.

I wouldn't expect anything less from the wimp, though.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld.


	3. It was that day again

It was that day again. I wish everyone would stop making such a fuss about it, it's _my_ decision, and as a man, it was something I had to do. Even though all the maids and a few of my men latching onto my arm and refusing to let go was a little bit discomforting, I persisted and now the deed is done.

The only person who thinks I haven't mutilated myself is big brother Gwendal, and he wanted to chop even more off. I thought mother was going to smack him when he said no soldier would have left it so long.

Why people behave so weirdly when I decide to have my hair cut, I'll never know.

Marius came up to the castle again; I was too busy with the new recruits to be able to go to his little shop, and since he seems to like nothing better than to talk my ear off every time I get cornered there alone, I prefer to have him come to the castle.

Except for when his aunt sends him her spice cookies. The number of times I went to his shop when I was 71 ended with me looking like Dacascos, but _it was worth it_. Those things are sublime, and if he would just tell me where she lives I'd have gotten her here already.

Selfish git.

I think he was assaulted by Doria coming in, but he managed to fend her off with those girly scissors of his and he made it to me before anyone else could take a shot. The fact that the maids have a weird obsession with the length of my hair is disturbing; the fact that my men talk about murdering Marius when they're drunk is downright worrying. Why, sweet Shinou, does everyone want me to have long hair?

I dragged him to one of the empty meeting rooms, and our trip there was fraught with peril. If big brother hadn't met us halfway through and growled a lot of people into fleeing, I don't think Marius would have made it.

In the entire castle, Gwendal is the only person I know who wants me to have the shortest possible hair. I've asked him why a thousand times, but the only thing I gathered was something like muttermutter_protectyourchastity_muttermuttermutter. Even Conrad gets a glazed look in his eyes when mother insists that I should keep my hair long so she could knot flowers into it.

Marius doesn't have many friends in the castle.

But he's been cutting my hair since I was in my twenties, so I've gotten used to it. He chopped a few inches off the back and shortened my bangs; they were getting so long that I kept having to blow them out of my eyes when I sparred, though that action seems to render my partners deaf and dumb.

After the deed was done and the weeping maids had swept my bawling men away from the door, we went to have tea in the kitchens. Mother had decided to give the insane men and women who were depressed a day off, so I made Marius prepare the desserts, while I made a pot of tea. We do this every time he comes, and we chatted aimlessly. He's one of my oldest friends, even if we only meet each other thrice a year, at most.

His lover is angry with him because he forgot their 12th anniversary, and I told him that he was an idiot. Any half-decent demon with an ounce of romance in their souls would _know_ anniversaries are important. So I passed him the chain of precious blue stones I wore to keep my cravat in place, and told him to give it to her, a gift from the next Lord of Bielefeld asking for a pardon on my friend's behalf. I had dozens more of them, mother having gone wild in that jewelry shop we visited in Spitzberg when I first started wearing military uniforms.

Marius was being shy, but I could tell the poor man was desperate to get back on good terms with Fiona. I made him take it and we chatted about other things, mostly involving the weather and the number of death threats he'd received anonymously since I'd announced that it was time for a haircut.

Gisela came in when we were halfway through the pastries, looking for some horrible herb to feed a soldier with a nasty cold. They've known each other for even longer, and Marius managed to coax a promise to visit him from her.

"Oh, and Marius? Come near my hair with anything even remotely sharp, and I'll kill you"

We both shivered as she smiled and left, and he told me that Gisela has never _not_ been a scary woman.

He left soon after, me smuggling him out the smaller entrance in case any of the other castle inhabitants were feeling particularly vindictive. When he was out of the castle walls he started laughing.

Apparently he finds it terribly amusing that a lord and betrothed of the king would worry so much about a shoddy little barber.

I responded by smacking him with his own shears and telling him that shoddy men have no place near my hair, thank you.

He got on his horse and I told him not to die until the next time we meet.

He turned to look at me seriously, and for a moment I wondered if I'd bent his scissors.

"Don't forget to call me to thread ribbons in your hair when that boy of yours finally wants to get married!"

His horse was very very fast. Any slower and I'd have had to cut my hair by myself from then on.

On a side note, in case I forget, big brother's collection of wool is hidden in the meat pantry. That'll teach him to lunge for my hair with a sword because it now looks too "enticing".

I don't understand the people I live with, sometimes.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld.


	4. Stupid shack

There was a long period in my life during which I _hated_ Conrad that I am not proud of, and even if I'll never tell any of them, I regret.

There are times now, since I decided maybe hating him for no reason isn't an intelligent idea, that I understand _why_ I have so very many trust issues with that man.

Note to self: when given differing information about a house by Josak and my younger older brother, don't trust my brother.

Yuuri had gone home for his school exams, and was due back, so both my brothers and I went to pick him up.

Wimp wanted to get to work right away, so we were meeting him by this tiny lake on the borders of Caloria. The lake is actually more like a large pond, and it's deep in the middle of a near-impenetrable forest. Big brother was being paranoid again, deciding that _anywhere_ else was too dangerous.

So we hike up in our nicest formal clothes for a meeting later with some ambassador somewhere, very little supplies and no accompanying soldiers. It was difficult to trek into the forest, and we wanted the trail to be as unnoticeable as possible, so we could use it again if we had to.

Josak had told Conrad that there was a shack there that he uses when he's in between jobs. He told Conrad that it was basically a broken-down tin roof with four delicately-rotting wooden walls. I know this because I overheard the maids talking seconds before we rode off.

_Conrad_ told us that it was a lovely little cottage with a lake view, and Josak loved spending time there.

So now I'm writing this in a little corner of the shack, and I'm going to keep a really, _really _detailed note of all the things I've had to go through today, for ammunition against Conrad when I need him to do something.

By the time we had made it through the dense thicket, we were soaking wet from the sudden, short drizzle. Conrad was twitching trying to keep his smile on, I couldn't stop growling because I couldn't warm myself by magic, and Gwendal was sniffling.

I swear big brother died for a short while before coming back to life when we saw this dilapidated hut. He was coughing terribly by then, and I knew he'd caught a cold. Even if brother looks like he'd win in a fight against sixteen sandbears, he catches colds really easily. Something about being not _warm_, even for a short while, leaves him bedridden.

Conrad didn't open his eyes after he blinked, and I can't blame him. I'd have blasted him if we'd made eye contact.

All I could do was sigh and drag both brothers into whatever shelter the roof could provide. There was a bed with decent quilts in one of the only dry spots in the shack, and I made big brother take off his jacket and traveling pants and snuggle under the blankets. He's still there, and I piled on all our extra clothes from our packs that were dry around him to make a cocoon of warmth.

Josak had some spare outfits, and Conrad is sitting next to big brother huddled up in a very frilly, heavy white dress. His smile is really strained now, and I almost feel sorry for him. We're here early, several hours before Yuuri is expected to come.

Me? My dried jacket is keeping Conrad's legs warm, I've rolled up my shirtsleeves, and I'm in a pink apron.

A VERY pink apron.

All of us were tired and miserable when we came in, and I knew hot food would make us all feel better, especially red-faced big brother.

So I rummaged around and found this pink abomination, and I have to wear it because my only other white shirt is being used to dry Gwendal's hair to make sure he doesn't get any worse. I can't afford to get _this_ shirt dirty.

I found cinder blocks outside that I dragged in, and I managed to light a few of Josak's more flammable outfits after the 12th match. There was a small tin washbasin on the table next to the bed, and I had it balanced haphazardly on the burning clothes and cinder blocks. I'm not known for my skills in the kitchen, big brother usually helping me when I make breakfast for mother or for any other occasion. So I did what any soldier knows in his heart how to do.

I tossed in half of our supply of dried meat and whatever vegetables I could scrounge, and emptied three-quarters of a bottle of wine into it. The wine was meant for the man we were to meet, but I don't think anyone will miss it now.

It simmered and I added whatever odd pieces of cloth that weren't being used to warm us to keep the fire burning. The tiny fire gave out a bit of heat too.

When it had reduced to a thick, awkward-coloured broth, I wet my cravat and took it off the fire. I made big brother sit up, and Shinou, he was an awful sight. His eyes were teary and unfocused, and he couldn't stop sniffling. At least he'd gotten dry. I made him swallow half of the soup, and he got colour back into his face.

At least, a colour that wasn't red.

He fell asleep after that, and he's asleep now. I ate some, and the rest was accepted by a smugly-grinning Conrad.

I know he wasn't grinning at me in an apron, because that would mean he has a death wish.

Conrad's looking after big brother now, and he said his temperature's only slightly higher than normal. Conrad's opinion, while useless when it comes to not being weirdly idyllic about living quarters, is invaluable. He looked after me often enough when I was too young to look after myself.

So that's how the day's gone, and at least no one's died. We're still waiting for Yuuri, and after I've finished writing I'm going to sit next to Conrad. Sharing body warmth and what-not. Gwendal's feeling better, Conrad will remain well until we get home and I scream the stuffing out of him, and luckily I didn't fall ill too.

Which is really amazing, because usually I react even worse to being cold than big brother does.

I can't wait to get under warm blankets, have a roaring fire by my feet, and eat something that doesn't taste like socks.

On the whole, I'm certain I did myself proud, though. It's a story worth telling to my daughter, how I very dashingly rescued my older brothers from death by ingenious use of a washbasin.

Oh, I think big brother is waking up.

He'll regret being one of the causes for me to dress in Josak's clothing too.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld.


	5. All's fair in cake and war

I look like a sand-bear.

The dark rings around my eyes are _giant_, though so are the ones I gave the Sage after he laughed at me. It isn't _my_ fault I've never had the misfortune to form these things before! Obviously any right-thinking demon would be unhappily shocked to wake up in the morning with bloodshot eyes and a face that looked like a wall fell on it.

My skin also looks unhealthily pale; having fair complexion is a boon for a nobleman, but being mistaken for a member of the Boney tribe is truly unacceptable.

I blame it wholly on Gwendal. He _knows_ I'm physically incapable of stopping once I've had my mind made up, but still he let me do it.

Now I look like a bear run over by a procession of horned horses, the cake is _still_ giving off smoke, and I have no time to make another one for mother's birthday.

How could I have been so foolish so as to ask Gwendal if he knew of a good bakery? After the recent debacle Conrad's name _never_ occurred to me, and since Gwendal goes to the city often to buy baking supplies for his misshapen creations, I had assumed he would know of a good place that made delicious berry cake, mother's favourite.

I should have known that Gwendal's inner baker would take offense at the insinuation that we couldn't make a cake good enough for mother. Before I knew it, I was being dragged to the kitchens. It was late evening already, and with a growl he dismissed the staff.

He passed me an apron and put one on himself; if he were anyone other than my older big brother I would have smacked him.

My apron looked suspiciously like that one of Josak's, and from the messy seams I could tell Gwendal had made it himself. From memory, probably. Which makes me wonder how long he's waited for an opportunity like this.

He knew where all the supplies and apparatus were, swiftly placing bowls on the large assembly table and handing me a whisk.

It was a blur after that; big brother tossed flour and sugar and colours and eggs into our bowls, muttered to himself as he measured out the berries, and generally looked more at home in the kitchen than the head cook does. I gave up understanding what exactly was going on, happily whisking the contents of my bowl into oblivion as I enjoyed the scent of sweetness around me.

When big brother's back was turned away to look for cream I hastily sneaked a bit of the gooey dough into my mouth. The secrecy was wasted, though, when I started to attack the bowl with more fervour. I couldn't resist it! As my mother's son, I too _love_ berry cake, and Gwendal made _everything _sweeter than strictly necessary.

I was at my second mouthful before brother tugged the bowl out of my hands, but he had the decency to look annoyed with himself instead of being irritated with me. It isn't much of a secret in my family; I _cannot_ resist sweet things.

That stupid thing Yuuri told me about perverted Earthmen luring me into vah-ns with the promise of candy was ridiculous though. No self-respecting soldier would accept any item of food from a stranger. Plus I doubt tearing open the poor creature and entering this vah-n will be a pleasant prospect for either of us.

Gwendal told me to fire up the oven, and this was when things started going wrong. The amount of cake mixture we had produced allowed for several trials of several shapes; only thing was that big brother had conveniently forgotten the temperature needed to perfectly bake a berry cake.

The first was a small square thing, burnt to a cinder and stuck fast to the mould. The second and the third _exploded_, and both of us managed to duck behind the table before burning hot batter could hit either of us.

The fourth just _stayed _there, as soft and squishy after as it was before.

It was late by then, and Gwendal had been acquiring an impressive tic in his left eye. He told me to just go to sleep, and he'd order a cake to be sent tomorrow morning.

I told him that we would not order a cake for our mother's birthday! How could he even _think_ about giving up? When I said that for a military general he wasn't a very motivated person, brother began getting little spasms that bloomed disturbingly across his face.

Only torches gave out light; in the dimness we started making mistakes in the batter as well as in the baking. Salt became sugar and purple pepper powder substituted colouring. It was probably an hour before dawn that we finally conceded defeat to the evils of baking. The last one we produced, I believe it was number 37, was the only one that looked edible, only it _persisted_ in releasing what we guessed was steam.

I had bid Gwendal thank you and goodnight before making my way to my and Yuuri's room, the cake safe inside an old bread pan we found.

Now I'm awake, perhaps after 2 hours of sleep, because _Conrad_ and _Yuuri_ had plotted to throw an early surprise party for mother.

The cake is still spewing gas, and Gwendal looks as ghostly as I do.

All this, and I have to hear mother _squeal_ about how adorable it was that I've been practicing my home-making skills.

Why did I put myself through this? And from the way Gwendal is looking murderously at a fresh-faced Conrad, he's thinking the same thing too.

Oh Shinou, I can _hear_ her high heels clicking nearer to the decorated ballroom. I think I see half the inhabitants of the castle crammed into this room, in varying states of silly dress.

Please don't let there be any loud noises.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld.


	6. And the woman ran

This was the first time we had our annual Athleticism and Physical Prowess Tournament with Yuuri in the audience. He had wanted to be included in the games, but after Greta outran him in the first heat of the uneven sprint, the wimp stopped complaining.

I have managed to win a few of the events; soldiers these days are so very indelicate with their footwork. Formal fencing with the saber and rapier were almost pitifully easy to win, and surprisingly only Dacascos was any challenge for the short-distance sprinting. I think having to run away from Gisela for years has given him an impressive turn of speed; however, me having to rush after a certain idiotic king means I can occasionally outrun horses.

At least, Yuuri swears I can, after that incident where Ao bolted and ran away with him while I was sword-training.

The final event I had no hope of winning; I'm light and quick on my feet, but having to run the entire perimeter of our capital while dodging attacks from hidden men is not a pleasurable activity. Marathons take so _long_ to complete. I get bored before I even reach the halfway mark.

No, the contestants everybody is looking out for are my brothers, both constantly displacing the other to receive the title "The Most Infallible Man in Shin Makoku". Bets are leaning towards little big brother winning; Anissina had worn down big brother into allowing her to race, and his fatigue counts against him.

For my part, I have placed bets on all three. I bet for Anissina only because the maids disallowed any bets to be made unless I produce some sort of monetary tribute to the insane inventress.

Evil women.

We're all waiting in the courtyard as I'm writing this, looking out for any sign of the runners. My brothers usually leave everyone but the other far behind, so the lack of giant kicked-up dust clouds make it difficult to spot them.

Yuuri's using a pair of black tubes to peer into the distance; they work well, but I hate bahnokillers because they make everybody who uses them look like insects.

"I can see something, I can see something!"

I heard the wimpy exclamation, and looked up. He was right; both my brothers, sweaty and growling, were barrelling forwards at tremendous speed. This year looks to be very close; they are shoulder to shoulder! The Sage has been appointed judge for his wisdom and impartiality, and to keep him away from the changing rooms of the lady participants.

Brown, grey, brown, grey. Gwendal couldn't stay ahead of Conrad, and Conrad couldn't keep his lead on Gwendal.

I just hope I don't lose too much money; Yuuri might start wondering where his things disappear to if I continue selling his belongings to Gunter to fuel my addiction.

Evil women. They've made me a gambler.

They are only 100 paces or so from the ending line! Both are managing a sudden kick of speed, but there's a blurry figure catching up to them swiftly.

"It's... It's..."

"Spit it out Yuuri"

"It's Anissina!"

I frowned into the distance, and oh sweet Shinou, and I can see that _most evil shade of red_ pursuing my brothers. She was far, then close, then closer. I wonder, is the heat causing mass hallucinations? No way could a woman-

* * *

Could scarcely manage privacy. In the most unexpected twist of events, _devil lady_ came in first! She wasn't even panting, though both my brothers looked close to fainting. We all asked how she stood the pain from running such great distances. Her answer is startling:

"I have to run to the aid of every woman that is troubled, and I have to run to kingdoms to correct wrongful treatment of females. Compared to all that, this is simply a pleasant walk in the park!"

Anissina got roaring applause and a few undergarments tossed at her as she bowed and punched the air in a vicious blur of magenta.

Without a doubt she has outclassed all the other runners, and even Conrad looks a bit shell-shocked.

Truthfully I'd have been a lot more indignant that _that woman_ beat both my brothers, were it not for the fact that the pay-out for betting on the underdog was a very large sum.

A very, _very_ large sum indeed.

I may even be able to buy back Yuuri's necklace from Gunter. I'm not certain how much longer I can tell the wimp that maybe it's slipped under the bed.

Wolfram Von Bielefeld


End file.
